there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
