Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.

Fav 8 851 1840
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

Fav 11 4104 944
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control

Fav 24 1481 3764
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

(720): View more from Colorado

Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

(303): View more from Colorado

But what if I pay for the gas?

Fav 53 1501 7403
share tweet
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(773): View more from Illinois

She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

Fav 26 6783 1863
share tweet
(619): View more from California

I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

Fav 8 3065 1279
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.

Fav 5 597 1293
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(305): View more from Florida

I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.

Fav 1 368 195
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(251): View more from Alabama

I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.

Fav 1 44 90
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT