Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.