The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature