Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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