you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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