either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
