Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet

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  (850): Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet http://tfl.nu/7t8x
  Replies (9) Good night (610) Bad night (1896)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of

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  (910): In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of http://tfl.nu/tguw
  Replies (33) Good night (4809) Bad night (530)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.

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  (512): just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever. http://tfl.nu/ittj
  Replies (69) Good night (4593) Bad night (788)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??

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  (931): How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"?? http://tfl.nu/pyr1
  Replies (11) Good night (2905) Bad night (1088)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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  (630): I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else http://tfl.nu/09lv
  Replies (13) Good night (4184) Bad night (747)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

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  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (2280) Bad night (7129)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.

  (512): View more from Texas

  There are margaritas in the freezer still.

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  (210): I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life. (512): There are margaritas in the freezer still. http://tfl.nu/0xfi
  Replies (16) Good night (5406) Bad night (898)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I honestly don't know what to make of that.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  A ham sandwich would be nice.

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  (423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s
  Replies (16) Good night (7632) Bad night (1083)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

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  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
  Replies (24) Good night (4818) Bad night (1142)
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  (518): View more from New York

  so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?

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  (518): so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for? http://tfl.nu/nqhg
  Replies (9) Good night (2754) Bad night (1169)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.

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  (519): Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid. http://tfl.nu/3gm4
  Replies (9) Good night (2510) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.

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  (541): I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick. http://tfl.nu/18bv
  Replies (11) Good night (1815) Bad night (629)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."

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  (530): We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out." http://tfl.nu/0tb5
  Replies (3) Good night (3579) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.

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  (513): I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate. http://tfl.nu/7b4m
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.

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  (865): I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/8bn2
  Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (265)

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