I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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