Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're a womanizer and a bitch.

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  (248): You're a womanizer and a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wf0c
  Replies (1) Good night (978) Bad night (1033)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

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  (704): I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel http://tfl.nu/5qbt
  Replies (9) Good night (3376) Bad night (736)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?

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  (269): Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not? http://tfl.nu/k8n6
  Replies (37) Good night (3298) Bad night (891)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.

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  (225): Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation. http://tfl.nu/om4a
  Replies (9) Good night (2123) Bad night (1278)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...

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  (210): Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend... http://tfl.nu/o37o
  Replies (15) Good night (5349) Bad night (951)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage

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  (406): He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage http://tfl.nu/22pw
  Replies (8) Good night (3681) Bad night (873)
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  (524): View more from

  How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?

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  (524): How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him? http://tfl.nu/bb5f
  Replies (2) Good night (1879) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

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  (512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3
  Replies (21) Good night (2722) Bad night (918)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.

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  (610): I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/akfs
  Replies (6) Good night (774) Bad night (1595)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.

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  (817): Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift. (972): Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking. http://tfl.nu/jm0q
  Replies (23) Good night (2636) Bad night (657)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.

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  (802): when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table. http://tfl.nu/81fa
  Replies (12) Good night (2272) Bad night (868)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.

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  (813): And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him. http://tfl.nu/ppzx
  Replies (8) Good night (527) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress

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  (202): he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress http://tfl.nu/kmvd
  Replies (6) Good night (1324) Bad night (323)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.

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  (339): Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club (570): All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied. http://tfl.nu/56my
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.

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  (406): Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year. http://tfl.nu/tnbc
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (253)

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