Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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