i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
