god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
