woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize