Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
