Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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