have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
