I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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