I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
