Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
