i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
