i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
