Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
