i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
