think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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