Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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