he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
