Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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