I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
