Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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