im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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