i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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