Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
