i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
