Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I died a long time ago.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
