Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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