he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
