Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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