How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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