his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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