Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
