i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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