i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
