Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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