Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
