sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
