alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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