its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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