im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
