i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There r osticjed everywhere
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
