I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
