Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
