This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
