it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
