In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
