just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
