I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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