Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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