I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
