Your tits are I can't wait for
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
