Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
not ubering you a puppy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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