he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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