Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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