I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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