I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
