So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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