I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
