Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
