I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
