Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
