also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
