My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
