I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
