Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
