I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
