I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
