So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
