that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
