I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
